Tiny hand

Tiny hand
November 20, 2010 (one day old)

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A night off, doctor's orders

Well technically, it's nurse's orders.  I guess the cracks in the dam have been starting to show, and people have been concerned.  I got a "talking to" by several people a couple days ago.  First, one of the NICU social workers called me at home to see how I've been managing, and that night, Nurse Megan had a heart-to-heart with me.  Other nurses, lactation consultants, and even the developmental therapists have also been talking - to me and to each other about me. With all of the juggling I've been doing, still trying to recover from being sick, and then slow or no progress by Cayden recently, I've been pretty emotional during visits to the NICU.  All of these people know well enough where I'm heading, having seen this situation play out hundreds of times before with other parents, and they decided that it was time to intervene.

So they want to schedule what they call a "care conference" - not so much in regards to Cayden's care, but more about taking care of myself.  Between the social worker and Nurse Megan, they pretty much told me I have to take a break.  They really want Jason to be there for the conference, but with him being out of town so much, it's been nearly impossible to plan.  Thankfully, his schedule has changed a bit for this week, freeing him up for a couple days, so we're scheduled for the conference on Friday.

I don't know how this conference is going to change anything.  There are only two things I think can ease the intense stress of our situation:  Cayden coming home or Jason not having to travel for work.  Neither of the options are anything we have control over, therefore, we're pretty much stuck for now.

It really frustrates and upsets me that the only way I can take this break that everyone is insisting I take is to not see Cayden for a day.  There are just not enough hours in a day to be able to do everything that I want and feel I need to do.  As it is, I'm not getting much sleep - I've pared that down to between four and six hours a night.  I've only gone to work for four hours in the past three weeks.  It takes a miracle (or even more sleep sacrificed) for me to be able to go to the grocery store or to be able to cook a healthy meal.  Fresh fruits and vegetables, normally eaten in mass quantities around our house, have been hard to come by.  Who has time to prepare a big, healthy salad for lunch when I barely have time to wash an apple to eat in the car on the way to the hospital?  Exercise is something else I've had to sacrifice, and I know I'm suffering physically as well as mentally because of it.  But to me, giving up sleep, healthy food, and exercise is easier than giving up seeing Cayden.

But I did as I was told to do and took a night off from going to the hospital last night.  I fell asleep on the couch at 10 o'clock, the first time I've slept before 1 a.m. in months.  Granted, I woke up at 12:45 to pump, but then I slept for six more hours straight before waking up to pump again.  And then I slept three MORE hours after that.  I think I'm recharged, for now.  As soon as I finish typing, we're going to go outside for a walk on this amazing, 60-degree Colorado winter day.  It may not be vigorous, heart-pumping exercise, but I think the fresh air and sunshine will do me some good.

So in the interest of getting outside, I'll cut to the chase regarding Cayden's recent progress . . .

On Thursday, he didn't gain much weight - only 2 grams - so he still weighed 5 lbs. 14 oz.  Nurse Megan was finally back after not having seen her for a couple of weeks, and she said she reviewed his charts and could see that he had been having a lot less desats with no "big" episodes since starting on the Simply Thick.  She thinks that's significant and that it's working to help with his reflux issues.

On Friday, he had a nice, big gain to push him past the 6 lb. mark at his weigh-in.  Officially, he was 6 lbs. 0.3 oz, but he made a giant poop soon after being weighed, so he probably dropped back down after that.  Oh, well.  We got 6 lbs. down in the record books before it happened!

On Saturday, he gained some more and weighed in at 6 lbs. 1.2 oz.

Over these past few days, he has been taking a good bit from the bottle.  It fluctuates anywhere from 10% to 60% being taken from the bottle, but it seems over the past few days, he's been more consistently toward the 60% end.  The past few times I've breast fed him, he seems to be doing very well with his technique, but isn't getting a lot of volume for the work he's doing.  The nurses still say he's doing well and is on track with it, but I wish he could get more for his effort.

Jamison and Jason are both (im)patiently waiting on me to go for a walk, so I guess I should finish up and get going!

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